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Pillow Man, Ive been involved with my boyfriend over 2 years now. I wiegh around 130 while he's 225, but Ive always been attracted to heavy set men. And I feel like a lot of the things I want to do, he's not to keen on. I like role play, he likes to get right down to it, I don't want to make it seem like I'm being selfish or nothing, its just that I want a little bit more than what he is offering right now. Before I jump to any conclusion I want to know is it me? What are some things I can do? Liandra W.. PILLOW MAN RESPONSE Liandra, With men, we are from MARS! lol..to be honest with you there are things you can do but there are alot of things he has to do. This is one of those cases where it involves both of you working together not apart. Here are a few things for you to think about as you turn him from a 3 minute machine to a all night sheet wetter!!!! Self Image Every individual, man or woman has some issue with some part of their body and are not too confident about their image. While there are people who do something about it, like exercise or develop their body, others choose to crawl into a shell and avoid doing something about their negative self image. Such people suffer from some kind of inferiority complex and this gets expressed in their relationship. They might fear intimacy thinking that they will have to expose themselves to their partner and are so afraid of rejection that they would rather not be in a relationship than face their insecurity. If your partner fits into this category you need to give them reassurance and allow them to feel special. Let them know that you love them not for their body but for who they are as a person. No Experience Another reason why people could have a fear of intimacy is because of in-experience. If your partner has had less experience than you when it comes to relationships or sexuality, they might think that they can not live up to your standards. Sometimes the fear stems from the fact that they probably do not know very much about emotional bonding and are therefore new to the whole love game. In such cases you need to take things slow and gain their trust and eventually they will come around. Past Love This is probably one of the most common reasons why people tend to get cynical and fear getting close to someone. If your partner's past relationships were bitter or abusive it could scar them, and leave them beleiving that love is never for real. Getting over heart break is never easy, and if your partner has suffered in the past and if their trust has been betrayed, it will be all the more difficult for him or her to trust anyone ever again. It will take a lot of effort on your part to help your partner regain their faith in love. Be patient and, most important, be honest, because once you break somebody's trust it is very hard to regain it. Been there, done that Sometimes there is a problem with intimacy because an individual has had a little too much experience; none of which has been positive. In this case there is a general diregard for love and affection because on some level such people turn emotionally frigid. This kind of cynicism is not just towards love but towards the world in general. To reignite the love in such a person, means not only would you have to be sensitive on a intimate level but also extend your affection to the world and let him know that it is not such a bad place after all. Pillow Man |
